When Saying Sorry Is the Hardest Thing To Do

Almost 6 years ago, I met a very interesting person during a job interview. Let's call him Sam for simplicity reasons.  Sam had no qualification, no experience, a questionable background and had basically never held on to a job for more than 6 months. It was one of those interviews that should've lasted 10 minutes at the most. In fact, I was pretty sure my selection staff made a mistake or had simply wanted to make the numbers.

Yet during the interview, I saw a quality in Sam. He was obviously beaten down and had suffered repeated failure to a point where he was determined to turn his life around. All he was lacking, was an opportunity. If given the right opportunity, the right guidance, this man would be a fantastic General someday. A leader that could lead from the bottom up. I hired him without delay.

 

In the years that ensued, Sam worked his way up from a coordinator level position to a managerial one. He was given full support from our management team and was sent abroad for various training in our partner offices. I had, at the same time, extended a hand of friendship and treated him like a friend, more than a colleague. In our various conversations, we would always talk about his family, his life, his aspirations and goals and how different his current life was compared to when we first met. If anything, I was happy for him and wanted to see him continuing to excel in life. This was a very different Sam from the one I interviewed years ago. In all honesty, I was proud of him.

The one fine day, while I was away on a month long overseas trip, Sam resigned. Now, I have no issues with him leaving my organization. After all, it was never my intent to provide for him his entire life. Yet one could sense the malice in his actions, having left on such a hurry, serving out his notice before my return and worst of all, wiping out his secured files and backup in the aim of sabotaging the organization. Oh yes, it was certainly well planned and clearly displayed his lack of respect and gratefulness for all that was done for him. He avoided me like the plague from that day on without even so much as a message to account for what had happened. I could have taken legal action against him for what he did but that would have ruined his career and reputation in the industry. I was not prepared to destroy what I had spent years creating. I still considered him a friend and simply couldn't do it.

For the following year or two after, I would still, from time to time, relive the entire tenure in my mind. Was I trying too hard? Did I or someone else do something to him that led to such a "betrayal"? Was my friendship in the way of our working relationship? Mind you, I considered this the biggest setback of my entire career! Having spent years grooming someone to become part of my mid managerial team only to have him stab me in the back and work for the competition is not easy to swallow. Some of my staff would say that he got too big for his head and his pride coupled with embarrassment prevented him from talking to me face-to-face. I was truly disappointed and personally hurt without even knowing the reason why.

About a week ago, I got a call and saw a  once familiar number that had already been deleted from my address book. It was that magical moment, the moment he said the three golden words "I am sorry..." that suddenly gave me the closure that I badly needed. It made me feel that everything that I had suffered in the last few years was WORTH IT! Yes, I'll say it again, "IT WAS WORTH IT!". Sam had matured, he had stabilized, had learn the important lesson of putting aside his pride (it was always his biggest hindrance!) and admitting that he had made a terrible mistake. The last and final lesson that I was able to help Sam was one that lasted 3 years. I had gone through an onslaught of betrayal, criticism, work embarrassment, self-scrutiny, self-reflection and soul-searching for this. But you made this all worthwhile when you had finally proven to me that you are able to put aside your pride and focus on the greater good.

The call he made was not for me. It was for him. I could see clearly that he had been extremely conflicted in the last few years and he needed to finally make peace with himself. Just as how I had to go through the pain, anguish and a barrage of emotions in the years after, so did Sam. Making that effort to call required a GREAT DEAL of COURAGE. And I thank you for this.

For those that are equally conflicted or who have wronged someone in the past, I urge you to make peace with yourself. Pick up the courage that Sam had and make a difference in the person you wronged. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE to say those golden words "I am sorry...". You have no idea how long that person has waited to hear you say that and how much it will mean to both them and you. Remember always, you can never have have peace with others without making peace with yourself.

*I dedicate this blog entry to a mutual friend Maurice. Thank you for helping Sam learn this very important lesson and giving me the closure that I need. I am eternally grateful.