Learning it the Hard Way

Let's face it. People FAIL. We have all failed miserably at some point of our lives and will continue to fail for as long as we all shall live. 

So it baffles me whenever someone that I've only recently met tells me that they consider me "successful". Let's be honest, why on earth would they consider ME successful?

What they do not see, and obviously not something that I would widely publicize, are the epic failures that I have had to go through to have what little success that I have today. When someone looks at me, do they see the pain I had to go through being bullied at school, living alone overseas for years with no friend or kin, or almost losing my life to drug abuse at the age of 18? No, they don't.  They probably chose to see what they want to see - my family, house, car, career and somehow assume that I have had it easy my whole life! Well, I assure you, that is simply not the case.

Over the years, I've been analyzing my failures trying to determine what went wrong and how to avoid those mistakes. While it is not easy to share one's failures and relive those memories, I truly believe that we can all learn a little from the experience of others

With the aim of helping others and inspired by a friend that I just got off the phone with, I've decided to summarize my top 5 reasons for failure.

In no particular alphabetical or order of importance: (Drum-roll please!)

#1 What Do You Think Of This?

All too often, we are subjected to the whims and fancies of others. Even when we choose to believe that we're not, the opinions of people matter to us. I've had my light bulb moments put out because I simply cared too much about the views of others or consulted the wrong person. I started to doubt my ideas in more ways than one. There were times when I would rescind on a decision for fear of offending others. On hindsight, it was clearly the wrong option and had led to many further complications that I had not foreseen initially. I had clearly lost the plot, all because I was too concerned about what others thought. While it is good to seek opinions when unsure, at some point, you have to realize that not everyone will agree with everything you say. If you need assurances from people around you all the time, you will never accomplish what you set out to do in the first place. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions but yours will always be the most important!

#2 Now, Now, Now - I want it NOW!

In a world where time is of the essence, we tend to forget that the faster we climb, the harder we fall. Take the analogy of a stock investment portfolio - We are all too quick to applaud when we hear that someone doubled his capital in a year versus someone else that did so in 10 years.What we do not see is the obvious high risk stocks that are in the person's portfolio. That same person could lose everything the very next year, whereas the 10 year portfolio consisting of blue chips will probably continue to gain slowly but surely year-on end. THERE IS NO SUCH THING as instant success and even if there were, it is clearly unsustainable in the long run. It took a very hard lesson where I invested and lost over half a million dollars because I expected instant results and did not plan for the sustainability of a business I started in my mid 20s. It is a must to plan but always plan for the worst case scenario rather than the best. Always manage your own expectations before attempting to manage others. Someone once told me that there are many roads that lead to Rome; sometimes the longer ones will get you there faster. I couldn't understand the depth (or logic!) of that sentence when I was in my 20s. Now at 40, I am finally beginning to see the light.

#3 Fear of Failing or Trying?

I am truly frightened at the prospects of failing. Perhaps it is because I have failed so many times in my life that it has now become a phobia. Or perhaps it is the fact that I have so much more to lose today than I did 10 years ago that I cannot allow myself to fail. Every time I place my bets, my wager becomes higher and higher. Can I afford to fail? These thoughts drive me each and every day. It makes me jump out of the bed each morning, make the effort to plan my activities, pushes me to complete a task I wouldn't otherwise complete. Yes, I'll admit; I am TERRIFIED of failing, but that does not stop me from trying. The biggest regret you can ever have in your life isn't failing - It is FAILING TO TRY. There is a big difference between failing and failing to try. We give ourselves  excuses every time we want to avoid doing something not because we are scared to fail, but scared to try. We've all heard the common cliche - If we don't succeed, just try again. If you don't try, you'll never succeed. Trying = 50% chance of Success. Not Trying = 100% chance of Failure. You do the math!

#4 I Don't Want That Badly Enough!

As time progresses and after getting into a comfort zone, we tend to start getting too comfortable. The hunger and the drive that once was, have started to wane. Change and comfort are two variables that rarely go hand-in-hand. You can either be comfortable and refuse change or change and fore-go that comfort. I have never heard of a comfortable change. It rarely happens. Whether you're choosing to change your lifestyle, business directions and even your social circle, be prepared for the worst to happen! You'll have sleepless nights, high levels of stress and unwanted uncertainties. Change will never be easy and unless you want it badly enough, you would never be able to justify the effort and time spent at effecting the change. Therefore most people, including me in recent times, never seem to get started on it. My all too famous "Quit Smoking" campaign is one such example and I am ashamed to say that after 4 fruitless attempts - Patches, Gum, Cold Turkey and Hypnotism (Don't even start me on that!) I am unfortunately nowhere close to quitting. I've realized that the "Why" is more important than the "How". All these times, I was never close to quitting smoking because I couldn't convince myself WHY I needed to quit. Even though I had the "how" figured out by the 4 forms I described above, it was never going to work. I had failed before I even began! Once you want the change badly enough, aggressive action becomes an absolute necessity.

#5 How DARE You?!?

At times, I allow my emotions to get the better of me. I end up making decisions based on emotional choices rather than rational ones. Be it in investment, work or my family, I am in a position to make decisions that would affect the lives of everyone around me. It cannot be based upon how I am feeling at that very moment or at my whims and fancies. In my years of rashness, I once fired a managerial staff at the heat of the moment because of an argument over our difference in perspectives. It led to a mass resignation in one of my companies which took many years to recover. I continually asked myself to this very day how different things would have been if I only held my cool. It became clear to me from that point that controlling my emotions would be critical to effectively managing my organization. It was a painful lesson to learn but one that I would remember for the rest of my life. Emotions cloud your mind, always think clearly before you act.

Last but not the least, always evaluate your failures and mistakes like what I've done here. This is the only way to learn and identify where your own pitfalls are and how to avoid them moving forward. The last thing we want for ourselves is failing for the same reason over and over again. Only when we learn from our mistakes will we better ourselves for the people around us. 

Try, Fail, Learn, Succeed. 

In that order.

Have fun succeeding too!