Nurturing The Next Generation

I've been away for almost 3 weeks now. Yes, I miss my kids. Their laugher, fights, screams, hugs and kisses but most of all taking my weekly baths with them.

Every parent wants the best for their children. We all aim to provide and shelter them as best we can. In many ways, as parents, we hope that by sheltering them, we could prevent them from having to go through some of the life-defining experiences that we once had. Contradictory as it may sound, parenting is certainly no easy task!

For years, I've always asked myself, "If I could teach my children 10 lessons in life, that these would impact their lives and etched as fundamental principles in their development. What would those be?"

To act as a reminder for myself, I've decided to pen down my fundamental beliefs and pray hard that someday, I would have taught these lessons to my children in one way or another (without too many life-changing experiences hopefully!).

#1: Learn the value of money and not the importance of money.

When you start placing money as the goal, it never ends. Never place money as the motivating factor behind what you do. Understand how much is enough and use it to plan for your future. When you get comfortable, learn how to make the most of it by helping others. Understanding how valuable money is rather than how much you would like to spend is the lesson everyone needs to learn.

#2: Teach your child how to think and not what to think.

Age old adage, one I firmly believe in. Parents are not here to tell you what to do. It is better to teach you how to think for yourself, let you decide on your choices than to make those choices for you. Catch a child a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime. Gosh, I'm starting to sound cliché. Every child must have their own freedom of expression and choices. Only then, can they be truly responsible for their own actions.

#3: It is more important to be a good person than a great person.

Being a nobody with the right values is better than being a somebody with no values. Live with a clear conscience and do not underestimate the effects of Karma. What goes around, comes around and life is but a complicated series of causes and consequences. While everyone is aims to be a "Great" person in life, remember always that being a "GOOD" person is every parent's greatest wish for their child.

#4: Be critical of yourself, judge your actions constantly, but never others.

We are responsible for our actions. Take some time each day to reflect on your choices and how that affects others in the bigger scheme of things. We need to be a self-critic in order to improve ourselves daily. No one can judge you better than yourself. After-all, only you know the full circumstance of your actions. By that same token, why right have you to judge others when you do not fully comprehend their actions?

#5: Respect others, if you want them to respect you.

People are entitled to their opinions and should be free to do so as long as they articulate their respect for others. To have basic manners is to have respect; respect for family, respect for elders and most importantly respect for yourself. Yes, it is true that respect needs to be earned but by that same token and even if someone had not done enough to earn your respect, you DO NOT have a right to disrespect that person. To deny a person basic respect, is as good as disrespecting yourself.

#6: Chase your dreams, drive your ambitions but most importantly, belief in yourself. If you don't, no one will.

If you don't believe in yourself, no one will. The sad truth is that everyone has had a dream at some point and only a very few stuck with it, believed in it and successfully lived the dream. Most of us had to give up our dreams at some point due to practicality reasons or from the strong advice of others. It is my hope that I will never have to stop my children from doing what they believe in. If I could, I would like to help them identify and brainstorm on how to successfully sustain it. As parents, we should always remind ourselves to play the role of a guide and not instructor. As children, it is YOUR JOB to convince us that you believe in this dream and are willing to see through it to make it work!

#7: Treasure what you have, and not what you want.

Don't spend all your time chasing the rainbow that you forget to appreciate what you have. People are mortal, we all have an expiration date. No one will ever stop you from chasing your dreams, but don't forget to stop every now and then, and spend some time appreciating the people behind you. The next time you decide that it is better to spend your time working on getting something you want, think about what will happen if you end up losing something you already have. The last thing I would want is for you to live a life of regret. Balance it out and take the effort to appreciate what is already yours.

#8: It is always better to listen intently, than to speak carelessly.

The most powerful weapon known to mankind is his words. It can either harm or help, heal or kill, create or destroy. Please understand that a careless whisper can be more destructive than a nuclear missile. Therefore, if you do not know what to say or how to say it, the rule of thumb is to NOT say it! On the flipside, if you listen closely enough and observe the way people say things, it can tell you a lot more about the person and how you should respond. Open your heart and mind and really listen to what the person is saying. It is amazing how much more you'll understand if you do!

#9: Be true to the people you love, otherwise everything will just be a lie.

The time will come when you will undoubtedly start to fall in love. I pray that you remember this important lesson that most of us had to painstakingly understand the hard way. There is no point in being pretentious or building a relationship on lies. It will eventually collapse like a stack of cards. If you must love, love with the truthfulness of your heart. Be true to the people you love (that includes siblings and parents too!) and these people appreciate you for who you are, and not what you want them to see you as. Lies accumulate, it consumes and will eventually ruin your relationship. Be proud and be true to who you are. If that someone does not appreciate that, then it is simply not meant to be. There is no point trying to live up to someone you are not.

#10: It is impossible to succeed without failing. There are lessons that only failure can teach; learn them well.

In life, there will be many things that you will fail. There is unfortunately no running away from that. However, with every failure, you are one step closer to success. Learn the lessons of failure well, embrace them if you have to and remind yourself constantly. For without failure, there can be no success. How you move forward from each failure determines how much closer you are to success. Do not give up, do not despair, for failure is the mother of all success. You WILL SUCCEED if you remember this.

Every parent will have their ideals and goals for their children. This is the responsibility that we parents have had from the moment you were born and will continue having till the day we die. At the end of the day, please remember that our time as parents is limited. Some of us may never see the day when you succeed in life but we continue to guide, counsel and love because we believe that this day will come. Parents can only give good advice and put their child on the right path but the final forming of a person's character lies in your own hands.

Do not blame your parents for wanting what we feel is best for you, even if you don't see it that way! Whatever we say or do, nag or shout, we do it out of love. You can never fully understand the love of your parents until you become a parent yourself. Until that happens, just trust that all parents only want what is best for their children.

For other parents out there, please feel free to share more. I do always appreciate comments that any parent may have. These are all useful tips/information that we could benefit from one another and I encourage you to share for everyone's benefit.