10 Things I have learnt from the Army

After spending almost 2 weeks in what is arguably my last in-camp training, I've started to recollect some of the important lessons that one cannot afford to forget when dressed in green:

1) It's always fun to carry a gun around, until you have to clean it.

2) When you put on your No.4 uniform, you instantly feel smelly, hungry and lazy. There's no running away from it!

3) My unit CSSB stands for Canteen Sales and Support Battalion, because that's all we really do, support the canteen 3 times daily! Always get the number of the canteen stall auntie (yes call her that even if she's younger than you) so you can order your food in advance!

4) It doesn't matter if you're almost 40 and completed your 10 year cycle. They'll still treat you like an 18 year old.

5) It isn't gambling if you're only betting on breakfast! And if you do lose, always insist that you were referring to the cookhouse breakfast or leftover rations.

6) I've gotten excuse for virtually everything but the best excuse I've ever heard was excuse "vibration" due to a bad back. That almost means you can't do anything except sleep in the bunk!

7) When you sense the arrows flying, just act as though you don't understand English.

8) If anyone questions you on why you aren't participating in a certain exercise, just throw out medical terms and they'll keep quiet. Officers are petrified when they hear too many medical terms they can't understand.

9) There are a few sure ways to deferment: New Job, New Marriage, New Baby or New Medical Problem.  The definition of New is within the last 6 months. Never try to defer for work, it'll be rejected 99% of the time.

10) You're defending your nation! Therefore stand tall, stand proud and report sick only on the day of key exercises. You won't regret it!