From time to time, we all need the support of our friends. A single gesture, phone call or even a warm embrace. It is times like these that we understand the value of friendship and in turn offer this to those around us.
If you are like me and have the privilege of listening to people's problems, I urge you to read on and understand the difference between Sympathizing, Empathizing and Simply Ignoring! Hopefully, these tools will help you like that way it has helped me.
According to my definition and this may not be 100% accurate:
Sympathy is when you feel and support a person's feeling towards the situation. It invokes an emotion within you and feel the need to react to it. (Crying, Grieving, etc)
Empathy is your ability to understand what that person is going through, like being able to be in that person's shoes but from a 3rd party's perspective. (Ability to understand)
Simply Ignoring is well, as the word suggest.
**References below are fictitious and not intended to target any person(s) from the past or present. Any similarity in details is purely a coincidence!**
Scenario A: Lady friend keeps lamenting over and over again about her lame boyfriend and how he abuses her, lives off her and yet still treats her like dirt.
Sympathize? Initially...yes. However, when someone is able to do something but does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and simply complains about it daily, it gets to a point where it becomes obvious that she just wants your pity. Does she need help? Oh yes, professional help but certainly not from you and I. If someone does not want to do anything about the situation, stop wasting everyone's time talking about it! Therefore do yourself and that person a favour and simply ignore!
Recommended Dialogue: "There aren't enough hours in the day to listen to your endless rants, call me ONLY when you have decided to do something about this!"
Scenario B: Colleague at work requests for beer session to bad mouth his fellow colleague. After working with the organization for over 5 years, he felt that he was being backstabbed by his peers as he did not get the promotion he worked hard for. This was validated after having a look at his peer appraisal scores.
So, have the beer, empathize the situation and a nice pat on the back is all it takes! Do we understand the situation? Yes, but not enough to start crying about it. Even though I may be in a position to try and do something, the clear indication from his peers would mean that there may be dire consequences if I did try and remedy the situation. I would rather just shift his attention away from work problems after seeing him let off some steam.
Recommended Dialogue: "Don't give up, work on your people skills. It's simply a matter of time!"
Scenario C: Friend calls crying because she had applied for an internal transfer for a customer service position. She was then arrowed by her "Big" boss for receptionist stand-in duties claiming that this is a necessity training if she ever wanted to be eligible for that position. Friend is clearly upset because she is already overworked and is still asked to perform stand-in duties on the pretext that it is part of her training.
In such situations, when a friend is clearly distraught, I'd go with Sympathy. Simple words of encouragement to show that you can identify with her feelings and share in their pain will go a long way. Emotions is a funny thing. Sometimes when we sympathize, we are naturally motivated to try and do something about it. Nothing wrong there, but do be aware of action - consequence. There are reasons behind why her boss doesn't feel that she is ready for this position and ignoring these reasons because of the friendship you share may not be the wisest decision here. In this instance, it's probably better to just work on letting that person accept the situation, grind through the lesson in humility and come out even stronger at the end of it.
Recommended Dialogue: "Hang in there, show them what you're made of and prove to everyone that no one deserves it more than you!"
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